"ROMANCE IS OVER-RATED" 

When a woman says "Men are awful", I like to say "Sure, and women are real angels". Really, with all the years I spent trying to figure out how men & women are so different, I finally took some solice in the truth that we're not that different. We've all been hurt and even had a fear of love. Some even admit preferring romance over actual love, maybe because it's more harmless. You know the group Lady Antebellum? With the use strings and Hillary Scott's voice they could make a creepy late night text message sound romantic. Actually, they did. "It's a quarter after one. I'm a little drunk, and I 'Need You Now'".

I feel bad if you'll never again be able to enjoy the biggest hit of the last decade (((:::HA:::))) I'm sorry if that seemed like the baby ruth that cleared the whole pool in Caddyshack. Really it’s not me; the truth is the water we all swim in is already teeming with the real thing. I mean this is not accusation; it's confession. I know I'm an over-thinker, and while that's not always a bad thing; Matthew 7 opened my eyes to how judgemental it can be. I noticed that making an effort, not to be, was a little liberating no longer getting bogged down in too much concern for others, but I'd get to a stage where I realized it's not supposed to be that much of an effort. It would always take too much effort to stop those things from coming out as long as they were still in my heart, even what I'd thought were just 'innocent' opinions of anything. I knew "lest ye be judged by the same measure" referred to how we most see in others what we know we, ourselves, are the most guilty. That's my slippery slope if I were to say I still want to give the edge to women in blaming, accusing, and all areas of judging in general. ~HA~ Maybe if it were true "men can't express their feelings" that wouldn't be a bad thing. Unfortunately, that is not true, as we men do have feelings, and sometimes do express them, I mean in rare moments a woman isn't expessing all hers. ((BWAHAHAHA)) Now here is where I need to quickly say we guy shouldn't laugh too hard at that because it isn't always just the man who looks back at the accuser as the one who was thinking what the accusee was not. I'm aware it is sometimes just a cute little joke when a women says, "Honey, if you really loved me..." but if she means it for real, the immediate response should be "What do you mean 'IF' I loved you?" Of course, isn't it just as sad if he doesn't say how much it hurts to hear 'if', then maybe there is an 'if'? Both man & woman need to 'man up'. Sometimes neither one would know trust from the infield fly rule.

I've lived all over the country and I can tell you those poor girls who've been with that 'if guy' are literally everywhere! As a result, many of them have lowered their expectations for any man, like we're all just going to be the same. Of course women aren't alone in that syndrome, as a few men also feel a little beat up by women, and when you think about what that could really mean you realize how we can both see our own partner in romance as the enemy? Wow! If he/she is the enemy, no wonder there's so much hate where there should be just love for the same person. Been there. Done that, and allowed it to be done. What I should've been doing was really believing I can actually expect the real deal. Do we look for it, listen for it, and notice when it's not on display. We men joke about women who say they want a good man but end up going for the bad boy, but we men sure can go for the bad girl, huh. Afterward we can dwell on it for longer than it lasted. We can also pray for help to see it really fairly. With all the ways I'd seen her turn deeply disturbing I finally found a few things about myself I'm not proud to say made it even more combustable. And honestly, I wonder if it's only God who is really gracious enough to help us see that. It was a little humbling. 

I'm almost done pointing out what is so hopeless. In fact, I bet you're already getting a picture of what is more hopeful. The older I get the more I understand love really is just a decision, a simple determination in the heart. I don't care how peop laugh at that, as though it's so naïve. I see there is a lot in my own life I've stunningly missed because I wanted to be able to say, “it's hard to decide because it's complicated”. Of course now I see what complicated things. It was always what love isn't - fear, old anger, etc... Certainly we all have some feelings we wish we didn't, and maybe one bad feeling we should have is toward anyone who questions that simple decision we made to just love. Maybe that might have a little romance of it's own. To women who talk about men not being sure I ask they remember a constant need for reassurance of that decision can also sometimes sound a little indecisive itself. I know, we're not supposed to take women seriously and see a problem as though it needs to be fixed; we're s'posed to just listen. I get that, but women sometimes what you say does sound like a serious question he's even interested in you.
 

So many of us can be selective about what we adhere to in our own religion, while it seems only Christians get singled out as the hypocrites. My answer to that is always, "Yes, I am, but ‘Chief among sinners’ was already taken." It was that redeemed and inspired man named Paul who wrote ‘The Love Chapter’ in The Bible. It's in 1Corinthians 13 and it only starts out sounding a little romantic. Love is patient and kind, (then come the nots) not proud not rude not selfish not easy to anger… They're all in many of The Bible's other references to love, like any definition enhanced by it’s opposite. I used to think The Bible is where I can get a hold of truth, and then I heard it put another way, "The Truth of God's Word gets a hold of us." (John 1:1) Thank God because I suppose if it's just our own hold we let go of it too quickly. I did, and in fact even thought of some of it as too difficult, while all along it was my way that was the hard way. God wants us all to really just believe and let some changes happen. There may be a lot we can ‘rid’ from our hearts, and God is always happy to help. (Philippians 4:6) It's a great journey, especially when you ask God if there are some things you didn’t even know have been there all the time. Ever prayed out loud in almost a yell "God, why do I do that?!" Let's just say the answer was some very old ‘compartmentalization’ I’d always managed to ignore. I'd see the need for an attitude overhaul like I never experienced in my whole life. Some ways I'd always thought had to change. I’m still gaining on it, but I can tell you it is really freeing to ‘rid’ what God does not want us carrying.

As God and truth never changes, no matter how much we do, we are so quick to push aside simple answers as too simple. There are more keys for unlocking our barriers to love in places like Ephesians 4 and 1Peter 1. “Rid yourself of all malice” and “put away anger, forgiving as Christ God forgave you.” There it is, huh! Isn’t forgiveness something any couple is told they absolutely have to have? Ok, so I've mentioned a lot about the hopeless opposites of love we twist as fiery passion, and let thrive under the guise of ‘romance’; and here is the truth: There's no real romance at all until there's love to inspire it. I mean the real love we learn from God that is really hopeful. Thank God He still loves us, as we pridefully think we’re too complex, and we rationalize, “things just aren’t that simple”. I think a whole world of psychology wants us to buy that, and keep us payin for it. God charges no therapy fees and the office is open 24-7.  Don’t blow it off as too simple or let it get complicated. That's so over-rated.

As Stewart McWilliams, my pastor of Fellowship Church of the Rockies used to say,  “CTJ” (Celebrate the Journey)